The moment I understood that I had to consider other people’s perspective

For the last 10 years I have been supporting leaders navigating change processes. Different companies, different hierarchy levels, different maturity grades. Over the last couple of years, as change has become inevitable and tangible in every aspect of our life, leaders are embracing their role with a stronger sense of responsibility and urgency. They are often seeking more support in a more proactive way. Transformation processes are no longer perceived just as nice to have or as a consequence of a generous budget. 

Recently, during a workshop for leaders who will transition to a new workplace environment, I was gifted with a real a-ha moment. 

I had asked the participants to position themselves on the change curve* which I had previously set up on the floor (if the space allows it it’s definitely a plus to physically conduct all scaling exercises - the body experiences the chosen position in a much more intense way than if just in a cognitive way). Once everyone had taken his*her spot, the leaders shared why they had positioned themselves there, how they got there and what they thought they would need to move further up on the curve. The second part of the exercise was about reflecting where his*her team would have positioned themselves if asked to. Most of the attending leaders could actually just guess. No one could really answer the question. And this is why: because no one had ever asked the team! We got into a very honest and transparent conversation. I was intrigued: why did no one ask the team? Lack of time? Lack of opportunity? The answer provided by the majority came as a surprise: they didn’t ask the team out of fear. What if the team would have positioned itself on the ground of the curve? What if the team would feel anxious, angry, demotivated by the upcoming change? And, once again, I realized: those brilliant people who deliver daily excellent output and who contribute with excellent skills to the company’s success, were literally overwhelmed in their role as leaders. Being a leader doesn’t mean having an answer to every question; being a leader doesn’t mean knowing exactly what to say in every situation; being a leader is not about making everyone happy. Being a leader means asking questions; being a leader means providing a safe space for the team to share what is concerning; being a leader means providing information even when these are not complete. Being a leader means acknowledging emotions and accepting that some team members may not be as far in the process as he*her already is. Not leaving anyone behind doesn’t mean having a tailor made solution for everyone - it means taking the time to listen, to acknowledge even when we do not agree. 

After our conversation, one participant shared with the  group that he had never thought about his role in this way. As leader, he had always felt responsible for  knowing it all, for providing answers and solutions. This had not only put him under a terrible pressure but had also taken him so far as to avoid conversations with the team which could possibly lead to even more questions - and no answers. And his a-ha moment was that considering the team’s perspective would in fact relieve him from a burden rather than charge him with a bigger one.

With his a-ha came also mine: we are often afraid to ask because we think that this will generate an expectation of providing an answer or a recommendation. It’s not like that! Articulating a thought, a fear, a concern and as well an positive idea helps us label certain emotions. This is the first step to calm down the nervous system, to regulate ourselves and to step towards a more rational way of thinking. No one will expect an answer - especially if you are brave and vulnerable enough to say that you don’t have one (yet). But allowing people to speak up, to share, to address topics will create a positive environment where people feel comfortable, heard and safe. And with this productivity, creativity and commitment will rise.

* The change curve by Kübller-Ross is one of the most often used tools in change management. It describes the 6-7 phases which individuals are commonly going through when it comes to transformation processes.